Maximum Frosting

I was in a nasty mood Saturday and needed something to binge on. Looking through the cupboards came up with nothing. No chips, no cookies, no chocolate, no nothing. I wandered the house aimlessly looking for something to help cheer me up but again I came up empty. Back to searching the cupboard for me.

On the second pass through the food cupboard I noticed a tub of chocolate frosting that had successfully hid from me the first time. This was no ordinary tub of frosting though; it was one of the oversized tubs us chocolate lovers use to smoother our Duncan Hines cakes with (or are they Better Crocker cakes, whatever). After a short thought, I figured I shouldn’t just sit down and go to work on the tub of frosting because I was sure to polish it off. I doubt the wife would be too impressed when she got home from work and discovered me sprawled on my back in front of the TV with an empty tub of frosting being tossed around by the cat.

In the end, I decided I should bake a cake and just eat any remaining frosting. So off I went to bake a cake. Unfortunately, we don’t have the round pans I am used to so I had to bake the cake in a 9x13 pan. Little did I know at the start of this baking adventure that this size of pan was going to help me maximize my frosting to cake ratio. I assembled the ingredients and mixed them all together, strictly adhering to the instructions on the box, and put the thick chocolate mess into the oven to cook. I then started brainstorming how I could make this rectangular shaped cake into a masterpiece.

When I was done, my cake was far from a masterpiece but it sure tasted good. Instead of cutting the cake into fours and spreading frosting between every layer like I was envisioning, I just cut the cake in half. I then spread frosting on the bottom of both halves, stood them on their cut ends with the frosting acting as glue, and proceeded to spread icing on all visible surfaces. Before I was done, there was icing on every surface except the bottom and the bottom was only about four inches in width, tapering in at the edges. Every bite yields ample frosting. The only downside to it all was that I was so excited about spreading a plethora of frosting on the cake that all I left myself to eat was a small tablespoon. Ah well, the little bit of frosting still tasted wonderful and the cake is perhaps the best cake (from a box) that I have ever had.

Lost Time

As I emerged from a meeting this afternoon, a person from my past crept back into my mind. It wasn't exactly the person that tickled my memory but rather what this person said after a similarly boring meeting a couple years ago: “there is one hour of my life I would like to get back”. Yet again I am left to wonder why I am even a part of these meetings.

February 2008 Quotes

hard work is what separates good from great. - Dan Dawson

Be curious always! For knowledge will not acquire you; you must acquire it. - Sudie Black

When things go wrong, you'll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start going right they often go on getting better and better. - C.S. Lewis (The Magician's Nephew)

We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversation with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk. - Thomas Moore

Other things may change us, but we start and end with family. - Anthony Brandt

What another would have done as well as you, do not do it. What another would have said as well as you, do not say it; written as well, do not write it. Be faithful to that which exists nowhere but in yourself…and thus make yourself indispensable. - Andre Gide

The great tragedy in life is not death but never having lived. - Edgar Dale

I have always believed that if an adult has thought carefully about his future, then he knows what is best for himself. - Pierre Elliott Trudeau

To test what is true, you must listen to your heart, your inner voice, for that is where the spiritual world is usually manifested. - Darryl Brock

Nobody has ever domesticated mankind. We are thus a wild species, as wild as the day we first went howling across the savanna. - Whitley Strieber (Communion)

And when I leave this planet, y'know I'd stay but I just can't stand it - Oasis (Half the World Away)

Saying goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had
Much more to say, foolish to try
It's time for saying goodbye.
- "Saying Goodbye" from The Muppets Take Manhattan

I’m convinced...that there are some things you have to do decisively, without cooperative federalism. You’ve got to do it alone, otherwise it will never be done. - Pierre Elliott Trudeau

Others have it worse than me…which is not to say this is good, don’t get that idea, but others have it worse. - Stephen King (Apt Pupil)

What if I could give it back to you?
Pluck out the pain...
...and give you another life?
One you could never imagine.
- from Interview With a Vampire

Send me better men to deal with and I will be a better man. - John Alexander Macdonald

I believe that we are successful when our ways are suited to the times and circumstances, and unsuccessful when they are not. - Niccolo Machiavelli (The Prince)

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. - Mother Teresa

Treat a child as though he already is the person he's capable of becoming. - Haim Ginott

Escape is Possible!

A room, once blossoming with light is now encased in deep, dark shadows. Shadows that for the past several months, maybe even years, were trying to creep out from the every corner, ooze out of every crack in the walls and scale down every wall to unleash its ravenous desires and suffocate the inhabitants. The most recent occupant fought not only the dark force in the room but also those disguised in sheep’s clothing that secretly promoted the advance of darkness. With admirable effort this beautiful warrior defeated the persistent darkness daily and resisted the nothingness that the shadows offered.

While battling her own demons, this warrior still found time for others in need, even when those needs paled in comparison to her own. She found solace in helping others. By helping us common folk overcome our obstacles, great and small, her true calling revealed itself. It became clear to her that pushing papers doused in red ink was among the last things she wanted to spend her days doing, despite the startling contrast the red made on her workplace. This warrior worked endlessly to gain the knowledge necessary to pursue her dreams and after many months of searching, her path diverged. With minimal hesitation she “took the one less traveled by”.

So with a heavy heart our noble warrior left the shadows behind and, holding her head high, walked onward to greater things. As she walked away, her eyes hid nothing. It pained her to leave the weaker of us to fend off the shadows alone. But those she did leave behind know the struggles she faced and are beaming with ecstasy for this fearless warrior in her victory over the darkness. They are hoping she has found that elusive utopia we all seek. Although it is a good bye of sorts, they will never forget her and hope the same in return.

Similar to the Robert Frost poem quoted above and below (The Road Not Taken): she

…shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

To our fearless warrior, good luck and please keep in touch.

January 2008 Quotes

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
- Counting Crows (A Long December)

Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness and sometimes we lose them. - Stephen King (The Green Mile)

Keep Rutgers colors to the fore,
For they must win so fight, fight, fight!
And we'll advance some more to score,
The Rutgers flag flies high tonight, alright, alright.
- from Rutgers Fight Song "The Bells Must Ring"

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. - Dennis Fakes

The love that last longest is the love that is never returned. - Somerset Maugham

The face of a lover is an unknown, precisely because it is invested with so much of oneself. It is a mystery, containing, like all mysteries, the possibility of torment. - James Baldwin

Someday I'm finally gonna let go
'Cause I know there's a better way
And I wanna know what's over that rainbow
I'm gonna get out of here someday
- Steve Earle (Someday)

Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know. - Daniel J. Boorstin

Make your choice, adventurous stranger,
Strike the bell and bide the danger,
Or wonder, till it drives you mad,
What would have followed if you had.
- C.S. Lewis (The Magician's Nephew)

Men like me, who possess hidden wisdom, are freed from common rules just as we are cut off from common pleasures. - C.S. Lewis (The Magician's Nephew)

Ours, my boy, is a high and lonely destiny. - C.S. Lewis (The Magician's Nephew)

Whoever wants to reach a distant goal must take many small steps. - Helmut Schmidt

Like dew upon the morning grass,
Good intentions can vanish with the sun
- Great Big Sea (Something To It)

Slow down and join the human race - Ozzy Osbourne (Slow Down)

Many who have spent a lifetime in it can tell us less about love than the child that lost a dog yesterday. - Thornton Wilder

I want to live with you in the fifth dimension
In a dream I've never had
Cause I just can't live like this in a world like this
-Soul Asylum (Homesick)

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray
- Soul Asylum (Runaway Train)

Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute. - Unknown

In the Land Past Boredom

With next to nothing to do at work yesterday, I was extremely bored. After looking up boredom on dictionary.com, it turns out that boredom only begins to describe my state. My state goes past boredom into the realm of ennui. What the heck is ennui, you may be asking. Well, I looked that word up too and it fits perfectly. This is what dictionary.com had to say about ennui:

Ennui [ahn-wee, ahn-wee; Fr. ahn-nwee] - noun - a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom.

A new work day has started but I don’t see any relief from my ennui. If this post about the different states of boredom doesn’t let you know how unbearable my place of work is right now, I don’t know what would. But since you are reading yet another post of mine basically about nothing, you also must be in a state of ennui, or at least boredom. I guess you could just be procrastinating too but before I beat this to death I shall end my ramblings. Hopefully, I will be inspired to write something of substance soon but since our “busy” time at work is coming to an end, I wouldn’t hold my breath for anything earth shattering coming from me anytime soon.

Graduation Day

I hesitate to say this but I finally bought myself a real iPod. Up until a few weeks ago, all I had to stifle the circus noises emanating through the GO trains on my daily commutes was an early generation shuffle. It is nothing like the newer versions that come in an array of vibrant colours, oh no, it is a plain white stick of engineering marvel. I can still remember thinking how cool I was walking to, from and through the halls of my high school sporting a Sony walkman that was just a fraction bigger than the cassette tape providing the heavy riffs of Metallica and Megadeth stuffed in my shirt pocket.

After the introduction of the new “Touch” version and the lowered prices due to the strong dollar, I watched the Future Shop flyers and website religiously. I knew I could rationalize buying an iPod now and I had my eyes on the classic. Even though the boxing week sales did not really affect the prices of the real iPod’s, I finally obtained the gold at the end of the rainbow. Aside: I reached the end of a rainbow once and there was no pot of gold – was I at the wrong end perhaps?
With my new 80GB iPod Classic copying songs from my computer, I was left to ponder what was to come of my shuffle. I couldn’t turn my back on her and allow her to be a show piece to collect dust by my computer. After all, she treated me well for two or three years. The sweet music contained inside the engineering marvel kept the stories of Sally’s haemorrhoids and Phil’s golf game since he bought new clubs from irritating me to no end. And for that great and noble service, I had to find a good use for my battered shuffle.

By the time my entire music collection was transferred to my classic, I had come up with a brilliant idea that I knew would fill my aging shuffle with a renewed sense of duty and self worth. My shuffle graduated from being a source of joy and entertainment to a guardian of secret script. It has now become my new flash drive. Instead of music it now holds files and documents and anything else that I may need to keep close to me…like the secret of the Caramilk bar. By being put to this new use, my shuffle is not only saved from becoming some forgotten piece of technology but has gained what can be seen as a more important role. I like to think that my shuffle graduated to a higher role.

Before certain people get the wrong idea, I really do not have the secret of the Caramilk bar so please call off the dogs and the Gestapo; I am no wiser than the next person as to how they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar. I am still waiting for the secret to be revealed on How It’s Made but I guess if there ever was a show on Caramilk, they would likely say the method for adding the smooth flowing caramel is a company secret.

Did Anyone ‘WOW’ You Today?

When one has a bad morning at the office, like getting trapped in an elevator, a good relief is to find a cheap restaurant to have lunch at. An executive lunch, as many refer to them as, can be very cleansing to the soul and giving back some much needed energy to finish the day. That is unless the interactions at the restaurant are anything but a reprieve from the cubicle imbeciles of office life.

Today was one of those days for a co-worker (click on the link above) so I thought we should get out of the office for lunch. The cheapest thing to us is a Swiss Chalet so off we went unaware of the disaster that awaited us. Everything was fine until we were seated. The following is part of a customer survey and should paint a picture of the adventure we had. Keep in mind that chicken is their business.

Please tell us how we could have improved the quality and taste of your meal:

Using fresh ingredients would be a good start; hiring people who know how to cook the food properly wouldn't hurt either but I guess some people like to eat shoe leather.

Please describe the problem with the speed of service in more detail and let us know how we can improve:

We waited five minutes from the time we were settled at our tables before a server even acknowledged us. Once we finally ordered, my 15 minute meal ended up taking 30 mins to make and I almost had to ask twice for a drink refill since the server was too busy cleaning tables to get refills. My companion ordered an item not on the 15 min meal list and she got her food a good two minutes before mine arrived. Ensure the staff realizes that the customers are the reason they are working and happy customers lead to bigger tips.

Did one of our employees "WOW" you during your experience? If so, please provide us with additional details and the employee's name or description (not a required field):

I have visited this restaurant several times in the past few years and I have never been 'WOW'ed by the service.

Please share any final comments or suggestions that you would like to make to Swiss Chalet:

This was one of my worst dining experiences I have ever had. The service was slow and not very eager to please us and the food was greatly over cooked. The chicken in the ceaser salad was charred on one side and cooked to the perfection of shoe leather while the bun that accompanied the quarter chicken meal was hard enough that I used pieces as toothpicks at the end of the meal. I have been displeased with Swiss Chalet in the past and have blacklisted it for years (at least 3 years from 2000 to 2003) and some shorter periods since 2003. I cannot say when my next visit to Swiss Chalet will be but I doubt it will be anytime soon.

Another Sad Realization

I started this blog for several reasons, one: to quiet co-workers that were nagging me to create one, two: to give the world (or at least a select few who actually read this from time to time) a purview of my mind and my horrific thought patterns, and three: to help with my writing skills because I had the delusion of actually writing something that was worthy of being published.

While creating this blog alleviated the nagging and provided an outlet for the first two reasons, the third and most important of my reasons for posting my thoughts seems to remain unfulfilled and sadder still, appears to be nothing more than a pipe dream. Instead of cutting my losses with this blog alone, I decided to delve deeper into the abyss of mindless writings on the World Wide Web and I created a second blog that I strictly devoted to sports. I thought I could do a better job of reporting on sports I never see than those who sit amongst the cheese heads on the frozen tundra of Lambeau field or those who file into cramped press boxes among the birds to witness the drug enhanced sport of baseball. To be honest, that thought never crossed my mind let alone influenced my decision to start a sports blog; I just wanted a place to comment on sports related topics without boring my non-sport loving devotees.

Unfortunately, both blogs seem to be nothing more than a vice to waste time when I am bored at work. My writing has not improved at all and it seems I continue to use the same limited vocabulary and mind numbing phrases that I did before subjecting the masses (okay fine, the six-pack of friends and co-workers) to my idiocy. Despite my disappointing realization, I will continue to help you waste your time by continuing to post my dumbest and craziest experiences and thoughts. That is, once something exciting happens in my life. I leave you with this thought from Aerosmith’s Get a Grip song:

Same old same old every day
if things don't change you're just gonna rot
Cause if you do what you've always done
you'll always get what you always got
Uh could that be nothin'

December 2007 Quotes

Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young - J.K. Rowling (The Order of the Phoenix)

Still it's hard
So very hard to admit
Just how pointless it all is
- Blue Rodeo (What a Surprise)

There’s a time for giving up
A time for letting go
To learn from our mistakes.
- Kenny Rogers (The Kind of Fool Love Makes)

What little mind you have is ugly and misdirected. - Stephen King (The Green Mile)

Sometimes you can’t help people. Sometimes it’s better not to try. - Stephen King (The Green Mile)

Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always. - Albert Schweitzer

It is not love, but lack of love, that is blind. - Glenway Trescott

Tact is the art of making guests feel at home when that's really where you wish they were. - George E. Bergman

And there's one more thing that I have discovered
And I would now like you to know
The reason for Christmas I now realize
Is an excuse to tolerate snow
-The Trans-Siberian Orchestra (What is Christmas?)

If we make it through December
Everything's gonna be all right I know
It's the coldest time of winter
And I shiver when I see the fallen snow
- Merle Haggard (If We Make It Through December)

...times change, and anybody who adheres to a posture earlier enunciated when times change is a fool. - Howard Cosell

you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
- Nine Inch Nails (Hurt)

It's every gift that someone gives
Expecting nothing back
It's every kindness that we do
Each simple little act
- The Trans-Siberian Orchestra (Old City Bar)

I should've had enough sense to
Get up and leave this town
- Lit (A Place In The Sun)

I weigh myself every morning and that alone is sufficient to cost me my appetite - Isaac Asimov (Nemesis)